16 weeks and 6 days.

Somewhere around 15 weeks, my belly kind of... expanded. All of a sudden my handy 'bella band' (a large stretchy spandexy tube you wear over your non-maternity jeans, pants, etc.) was NOT keeping my pants up. I would sit down at a restaurant, and as I stood up, the sag in my rear end hung nearly to the middle of my thighs... not very flattering. My mother, just laughs.

Friends bend over and put there mouths to my stomach and speak softly to my belly... they gently pat or rub my belly as if it somehow will bring good fortune or luck. Compliment or annoyance? Well, if I am anything like the Buddha, total compliment. If I am anything like a FAT man with a sign above his head that reads, "Good Fortune", annoyance.

Kevin will rub his hand over my belly and look at it while saying things like, "How's the BABY...?" or, "Ooohhh, look at the babeee..." And I think privately to myself, "I wonder if the baby understands the difference between the sounds of adults making "coochie-coo" non-sense and simply speaking coherantly...?

I am frustrated that I have not had an ultra-sound performed. I have heard the heartbeat, but I have yet to SEE it. Isn't that supposed to be a milestone? My last visit to my OBGYN was disappointing... I reminded her that during the last appointment she had mentioned that I would have the opportunity to have an ultra-sound performed. She let out a deep sigh and said, "Well, it's not like a big deal or anything... It's like, there it is, there's the baby, then you're done." I was so taken aback that I didn't even react to her statement. I have been bitter ever since. Perhaps it is my own attachment. I just wanted her to keep her word...

So I am up late, I wake up late then I eat late... this vicious cycle has taken a toll on me. I can tell that the baby needs more nourishment. I wake groggy and weak. When I do eat, I feel exceptionally nauseous. I almost had an accident at Whole Foods this evening. Soba sounded so yummy and healthy (with spinach and wakame). I could tell Kevin was really nervous, but Ihad him stay put in his chair in case I did hurl. Talk about mind control... I can not recall a time where I was more ready to throw up --- it was right there. And I psyched myself out of it... it was a really intense five minutes... We left the market unscathed and with a nice bag of leftovers...

16 weeks...

I

My Jewelry Story

I wrote this email to the artists who are participating in my Holiday Artist Trunk Show this Sunday, December 6th. In an effort to inspire creation, it also tells the story of why I started making jewelry...

Hello all... as the holiday artist trunk show fast approaches, I realized I did not share with all of you why or how this event all came about... It was originally created in my community leadership class, but the story goes much deeper and stems from a very precious place... I would like to share with you what this whole thing is and why I was inspired to create this event.

I'm eight years old, my day care teacher, Miss Tori, is wearing the most adorable pair of earrings. Today, they were pink with tiny white stripes running down each bead. I stare at her earrings, fascinated by the color and way the little sparkly bead swivels back and forth, back and forth. I gather the courage to ask her about her where she got them, and she shares with me the name of a place called, "The Bead Shop", in Laguna Beach. I tell my parents about Miss Tori's earrings in great detail and they agree to drive me to Laguna Beach in search of "The Bead Shop".

I walk in to a small store off of PCH in Laguna Beach, and the shiver of joyful excitement runs up my spine. I am in BEAD HEAVEN. Red ones, blue ones, green ones, glass ones, plastic ones, skinny ones, long ones, shiny ones, rainbow ones... I am overwhelmed by the choices and the possibility of limitless creativity. I am in the bead store for two hours... Time lost all meaning and value. I found my calling, my passion, my art.

The next ten years were spent practicing, learning, experimenting, playing and creating. Finally in 2005, after dozens and dozens of positive comments, feedback from artists who saw my pieces and family and friends constantly pushing me to SELL my jewelry in galleries and major jewelry stores, I took action. I created line sheets, wholesale prices, had the pieces photographed, created an inventory, registered for a sellers permit etc. I created a business for myself.

There was always one fear... A fear that stalked me in the middle of the night, taunting me over and over and over again. It was this little voice telling me, "Aww, Erin, c'mon. Your stuff isn't good enough. Why are you spending so much time and effort making jewelry no one will buy. Sure your family and friends like it... because they are your FAMILY, of course they will tell you they like it..." Imagine this voice in your head every night, repeating and repeating and taunting and taunting... It was almost unbearable. It felt so risky to share my art with the public. "What if they don't like it? What if they say I'm no good? What if they don't order anything?"

I was tired of being in fear. I was tired of playing it safe. I was fed up with my clever game of self-sabotaging my dreams. I recalled being eight years old again, walking in to the bead store... And I remembered how excited, anxious and joyful I felt at the mere notion of being able to create ANYTHING I wanted. ANYTHING!!! ANY color, ANY shape and in ANY way I wanted. And so I asked myself, "Why BE self-sabotaging, helpless and a victim of my own demise" when there is only opportunity ahead of me... I can still create... now it's creating a business, rather than a necklace.

I'm 30 years old, and I'm standing in front of a store called, "Something Silver", in Mission Viejo Mall. I am waiting for Stephanie Hara, the buyer for Something Silver, to meet with me and look at my line sheets. She sits down with me and looks though my linesheets smiling and making awesome comments on my work. She then takes out an order form and proceeds to place an order with me for three of her west coast stores (Downtown Disney, Seattle, Wa and Portland, Or). I am almost peeing in my pants as she writes down my very first whlesale order.

Over the next two years, my jewelry was featured in 8 of their 10 stores across the nation. What seemed impossible, was now possible. What historically was not moving, was NOW moving... Then came Bloomingdales... The rest is history.

As an artist, there are always moments of hesitation and trepidation when conducting new business in this changing market. Questions like, "Am I good enough? Are my products what people want? Is it original?" etc, arise and sometimes stop or slow our process and creation. It has been a dream of mine to create and host a trunk show for designers and artists, just starting a business and who have been in business, to share THEIR passion with the rest of the us.

Imagine a room full of friends and family, holiday music, the sweet scent of peppermint, cider and gingerbread... And the site of people enjoying themselves and eachother in an intimate and personalized shopping environment. Artists sharing their stories with eachother, making new friends, creating new contacts, and being a HUGE contribution to their charities! This is what I am up to creating, this is the joy I want to share and spread with you all. And to do so in a safe, friendly and non-competative environment. And with it being a time for giving and seasonal greetings, why not share your passion with the world while contributing portions of sales to a favorite charity.

I have worked really hard to personally invite those in my family, my friends and clients who have a sincere interest in supporting our event and our causes. It is up to all of us to create the success of this trunk show. I HIGHLY encourage you (if you haven't done so already) to create your own invitations, forward the Evite invitation, post on facebook or twitter or myspace, etc. Call your friends and family, tell them what you are up to and how you are a part of something that is contributing to others this season! Promote your charity! Invite charity members to attend. There are so many options!

But most of all, remember why you ever chose to pick up that sewing machine, that camera, those pins and scraps of fabric, that t-shirt, that paper, that doodle you drew that tunred in to something super cute... Remember why you chose to be an artist and why it meant so much to you. It's time to share your self, your art and your passion with others. You are very special people with such gifts to share with others. And I am honored and so lucky to have you aprticipate in this event with me.

I am really looking forward to being and celebrating with you all on Sunday.

In Bliss, Peace and Love,
Erin